I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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