I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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