hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
