the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
