is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
