So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
