don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
