It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
