I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
