what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
