yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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