My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
