well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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