she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
