I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
