do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
