how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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