You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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