im gay
i know
yea but for you.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
