my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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