WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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