I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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