I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
