If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
