do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
