My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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