I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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