"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
well you can't waste a boner
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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