I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
