Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
