He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
