she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
