I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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