Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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