I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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