Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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