Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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