I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
