i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
