I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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