Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
