It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
