Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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