Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
