Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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