No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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