do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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