bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
