oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
