Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
