Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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